Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

In light of recent pop culture events, I penned down my thoughts about my expectations for a life partner. It is easy to give you a full list of all your “Dos & Don’ts”. But I would rather you understand me before I nail specific commandments on our dream home. My list of quirks is never ending but as long as you understand the categories below, you will always be on the right track.

I Say It Loud, I’m Proud: While this is clearly noticeable, I am a woman of color and I love it! I will never apologize for my head scarf, my peach cobbler obsession, or my multiple hour Sunday hair rituals. For the record, head scarves are sexy as they are a symbol of a woman who prides herself on her appearance. If you don’t appreciate my hair dignity and the upkeep that goes with it, then you should find someone who can wrap a quick high ponytail at bedtime. #SorryNotSorry

Treat Me Like A Lady Human: According to medical science, a woman is actually a human. It is ok to tell me the truth and your opinions as I won’t crack under pressure. Please do not treat me differently because I am supposed to fill some fairy tale perception of how a “lady” should act. I don’t sing with crustaceans, I have never painted the colors of the wind, and I don’t waltz in glass slippers. I have more to add to a conversation than these awkward long gazes that only look good in Disney movies because in real life, that would be considered very “someone call Law and Order: SVU because those gazes are borderline illegal”.

Yours + Mine = Ours: Congratulations bed sharer, you have chosen a career woman as your future partner who has independently cashed checks since college. Your coins are always welcomed in this house but I am not dependent on your bank account. I am not with you for your money as I proudly make my own. Let’s build a legacy with our financial success that benefits our family and let us not forget the community that nurtured and raised us for we are nothing without the power and influences of our ancestors.

Complex = Me: It has taken me 26 years to embrace my complexities including the simple ones below:

I may tell people that I’m allergic to chocolate. (I’m not, I just hate it that much)
Everyday, I practice my song for Jimmy Fallon’s Lip Sync Battle. I should always be prepared
Flower are overrated.
I revel in chaos and spend my days telling stories. While the streets assume that I am an extroverted social butterfly, I am actually very private and very protective of my inner circle.

Perfection Is Not Welcomed: Before my early 20’s, I spent my life working to reach the expectations of others. It was not until I was emotionally rock bottom after college that I began to develop expectations for me. I have fought too hard to rewind back into old habits of yearning for the perfect life. I will never be perfect and I will never expect perfection from you. I don’t want our life to look perfect from the prying spectators because I no longer live for them.

While the list of my intricacies definitely continues, we should leave some topics for our 1 on 1 time. As I wait, I stay grounded in my independence, spirituality and rebellious nature. Each day without you is another opportunity to strengthen myself for you.


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