Surely, by now you have seen or at least heard about the “BDSM phenomenon” Fifty Shades of Grey. In case you haven’t, Fifty Shades started off as an insanely popular novel series originally written as fan fiction for Twilight by author E.L. James. In February of 2015, Universal Pictures released a film adaptation of this novel, the first in a series of three. The story of Fifty Shades follows innocent college graduate Anastasia Steele as she encounters and falls in love with billionaire Christian Grey, who has a very singular taste: acting as a dominant. The two explore a simple type of BDSM (Bondage Dominance Submission Masochism) relationship, most of which surprises and scares Ana.
The accuracy of the portrayal of the BDSM lifestyle found in both the novel and the film has generated numerous debates. Many of those who live the lifestyle argue that what was featured in the film (some bondage, spanking, etc.) was not fully indicative of what it means to be a “dominate” or a “submissive.”
However, despite what you may have gathered from the film or the book, you don’t need to be involved in the lifestyle to engage in submission. At least not in that sense.
“Submission is nothing more than yielding to another’s desires without resistance.”
You’ve probably heard about the golden rule of “wives submitting to their husbands” and other sayings in the same vein. Rules like that cause plenty of women to believe submission is archaic, demeaning, and perpetuates the stereotype that women are beneath men.
Granted, some acts of submission may be a bit much for a woman to partake in, but in a loose sense of the term, submission could be an act of love as well as trust.
Let’s go back to the definition: yielding to another’s desires without resistance. On the surface, submission appears to be nothing more than doing whatever someone else tells you to do. If you follow that understanding, being submissive more or less acting a slave, a doormat, and that’s nothing anyone aspires to be in a relationship.
If you dig a little deeper, though, you would see that submission doesn’t have to be about letting someone walk all over you or a means to take away your independence. In fact, little acts of submission can go a long way in a relationship.
Instead of looking at it as a means of control, consider it as a form of appreciation. Take your desires out of the equation for a moment and just consider your partner’s. What is it he or she needs? What is it he or she wants? What is lacking? What would make him or her happy right this second? Take a moment and put their needs above your own and follow through.
Is she having a bad day? Submit yourself to providing her a shoulder to lean on and an ear to hear her vent until her heart’s content.
Is he hungry? Submit yourself to cooking or ordering his favorite meal and bringing him a plate and a cold drink.
Is she tired? Submit yourself to running her bath and massage her aching shoulders as she attempts to relax in the hot, bubble-filled tub.
Is he frustrated? Submit yourself to helping him get organized and let him know that you’re there for him.
Small acts of submission are nothing more than being there for your partner. It shows that you’re not involved in a selfish relationship, one that focuses more on one person’s own wants and needs. Instead, it provides a way for your partner to understand that you believe in the importance of reciprocity. You both take care of each other. No one wants to feel as though they are in a relationship by themselves. So, show him or her that you’re not by being a little submissive.
It doesn’t make you weak as a person. It makes you stronger as a couple.
Now, if you both decide to take a page out of the Fifty Shades of Grey manual and involve whips and blindfolds into your act of submission, then that’s cool too. Who knows? You both may find new levels of excitement together. Dare to take the chance?